note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
