"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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