i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
