I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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