So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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