I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
