is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
