Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
