turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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