It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love having hate sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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