you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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