I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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