Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i came on her dog
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
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he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.