your parents love me but you hate me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your cock deserves a montage
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You've changed since you got that strap on