Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
