the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.