Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30