bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?