I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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