You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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