Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
