Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
