I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
