textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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