carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
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Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex