I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
