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why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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