if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
