You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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