the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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