he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
