I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
