he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
