she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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