uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
