Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i came on her dog
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
