I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
