I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
