dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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