i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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