Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
