hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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