I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
