I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
