you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
