Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
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