There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
