Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
