i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
