just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
how does that bad decision feel?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
