Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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