So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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