The maid of honor just puked.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
