Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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