They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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