I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
