I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
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he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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