i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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