So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
