if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
