Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
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Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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