Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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