You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
