i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
