who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
