wakey wakey hands off snakey
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
