I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
