Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
