five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
