went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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