he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
