I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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