He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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