PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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