Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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