He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
