There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
