I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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